I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
