My hand turned me down
Someone shit on the floor
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
NoShamevember. You game?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
