I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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