smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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