my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
