If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
