Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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