UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
