I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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