Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
