you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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