at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
