how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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