Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
