At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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