my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
