I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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