I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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