Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize