about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
