The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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