i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
