And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
