You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
