chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think i have herpe
just one?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
