Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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