oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
