Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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