roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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