I CAN MOONWALK!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
