Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
