She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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