Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
