first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
