I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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