OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
