dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
