Don't you send me to vm
I wish I could punch you in the face.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
