Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
