this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
