We're facebook friends in real life
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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