i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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