Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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