Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Blood and glitter go together right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
