I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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