Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
