I only kidnapped one of them. chill
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
