The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
