I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
