i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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