I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
