On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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