What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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