NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
