Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
