If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
