Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
