He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
