She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
