How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
