Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
