If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
