A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
