Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize