Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
