I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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