Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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