debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
