i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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