I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
