it was like his penis was on wheels.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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