the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
