So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
