omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
