i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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