Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize