well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
