The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
