My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
