SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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