I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
