I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
