So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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