this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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