Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
