How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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