the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
