I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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