i need an iv and a liver transplant
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
