Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
